Self-Love Isn’t Selfish- It’s the Secret Sauce!
If you look in the cookbook on your kitchen shelf, you won’t see a recipe for happiness. That is too bad because everyone would like some. So, how do you make it? What is happiness made of?
Twenty people could have fifty different recipes for happiness, but none of them can make it without finding meaning, significance, or acceptance. These are the ingredients of self-love, so if you cultivate that, then you are well on your way to happiness.
Gather the ingredients for your true self-love
When you look in the mirror and decide you are having a good hair day, that’s a nice feeling, but it isn’t self-love. Truth is, even when your hair looks outright scary, you can still excel in the self-love ratings.
Self-love is based not on how you look, but on how you appreciate yourself and the value or meaning you bring to your world.
According to Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the concept of self-love has to do with your feelings of personal significance and living a meaningful life.(1) It is closely related to self-esteem, which is your perception of your own worth.
Finding self-love doesn’t have to be difficult. These tips can help you gather your necessary ingredients:
Cultivate respect - use encouraging words that treat you and those around you with dignity.
Embrace honesty - admit the best and worst parts without fear or guilt.
Nurture acceptance - remind yourself every day that you really are okay.
These three ingredients help define your uniqueness. When you honestly respect yourself and accept your strengths and weaknesses, the real you emerges.
Another possible ingredient is mindfulness. According to the National Institutes of Health, mindfulness is focusing on the moment and becoming aware of your feelings, surroundings, thoughts, and sensations.(2)
Harnessing mindfulness helps you become more aware of what could be leading to or blocking your path to happiness.
Your gifts, the things you like to do, and the parts of life that bring you joy become apparent. You can use your gifts to help others and, in turn, increase your sense of value and self-worth. Your sense of value directly links to self-love.
Maybe you have an aptitude for music, or mechanics, or math. Maybe you have an eye for design or a green thumb. Your community needs these talents. So, embrace them, and discover the peace that comes with being true to yourself.
Once you have defined your gifts and gathered respect, honesty, and acceptance in the mixing bowl of your mind, it’s time to stir things up a bit.
Mix them up just right
A good recipe involves more than just the right ingredients. You have to put them together correctly and heat them appropriately. Remember, time is critical, too.
Self-love requires similar attention. To develop it and nurture significance, you have to take action and make conscience decisions to move forward. Here are some ideas:
Practice really does make perfect - spend time honing your skills.
Research your community - your gifts are needed, but you need to find the best fit.
Connect with people - build relationships with like-minded people for mutually beneficial support.
An article from the Cleveland Clinic features Angie Burdine, MT-BC the Music Therapist at the Maroone Cancer Center, describing various techniques for supporting self-love. She uses learning to play an instrument, singing, songwriting, music listening, and music making as interventions for patients.(3)
No matter what actions you take or techniques you try, as long as you are doing something, you’re doing great! Your recipe is coming along fine and your kitchen probably smells amazing. Your neighbors are hoping you invite them over…
Share your secret sauce
Your timer just went off - now comes the best part! Take the scrumptious secret sauce that you just finished making and share it with your community, family, or friends. When you put your gifts into action, your value and appreciation grow, and self-love fills your heart, mind, and maybe even your tummy, too.
How can you best express your self-love? By applying your gifts! Here are some suggestions:
Volunteer. Your favorite charity can use your time, for sure. If your gift is gardening, you can also give plants as presents, or share your harvests.
Side Hussle. Who doesn’t need a little extra cash, right? You can put your skills to use as a part-time source of income and watch your savings grow along with your self-love.
Full-time Gig. Imagine how quickly your cup of self-love would overflow if your job centered around doing what you love to do! Happiness would not be a mystery, anymore.
This is where self-love becomes real, evident, and purposeful. As you accomplish more, appreciation for what you give and do grows. And it doesn’t just grow from the people you work with, but it grows within you, too. You see what you are capable of and your abilities expand.
Kristin Lothman, a mind-body counselor with Mayo Clinic's Department of Integrative Medicine and Health, suggests setting time aside to practice self-love to experience its benefits. Activities she suggests include journaling, meditation or prayer, and mindful movement.(4)
Clean as you go
Your kitchen needs to stay clean so that the next time you need to make a batch of your secret sauce, it is ready to go. So be sure to get rid of the excess in your life that clutters up your kitchen, wipe off the counters and dishes that distract you, and leave a clean area in your world where you can go for nourishment.
Remember, self-love isn’t about how you look, but how you feel about yourself. You can nurture it by feeding your mind good thoughts, doing good works that bring value to yourself and your world, and appreciating the unique gifts that make you extraordinary.
For more ways to be a more happy, healthy, and confident YOU, please visit my website at www.stephaniemariescoaching.com!
References
https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2021/06/mindfulness-your-health
https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/self-care-tips-to-manage-mental-health-and-wellness/